Anyone late for pickup by more than ten minutes buys the first round of beers at the nearest local pub.

Forgetting any essential item earns an immediate declaration of “I am an unprepared hazard to the nation”. If there is spare gear or supplies, they may be loaned to the forgetter, and interest is charged in the form of biltong, chocolate, and snacks.

All snacks are communal unless declared “private stash”. Failure to share results in buying biltong for everyone.

The slowest hiker sets the pace. Sprinting ahead earns donkey duty for 30 minutes.

All jokes about age are allowed. Taking offence triggers a mountain-top gratitude speech.

Any detour adding more than 1.5 km requires the offender to carry one rock in their pack, chosen by the hiker at the back of the pack. Scrambling still makes you the tour guide.

Hiding blisters earns a photo session and entry into the Injury Hall of Fame.

Running from dassies or baboons means you carry the first aid kit for three hikes.

Posting unflattering photos without consent requires hosting the next braai.

Claiming “we’re nearly there” when you are not results in eating last for the entire hike and waiting last to have water for coffee.

Neglect causing gear failure requires a ten-second Shame Dance and a photo posted on the group Instagram page.

Everyone must give at least one complaint or highlight. Failure triggers donkey duty.

Predicting “it won't rain” incorrectly requires standing out in the rain for two minutes while singing “It’s Raining Men”.

Anyone who does not participate in the group, does not attend hikes, and does not contribute gets three warnings and is then removed. Re-entry is only allowed after providing biltong for everyone on the next hike.

Pulling out without a good reason requires bringing dessert or biltong next time.